Dedicated to Lorne
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Suicide makes everyone a victim.
I just received the very sad news that a friend committed suicide. We were never very close but he and his former wife were once so fond of me they asked me to be the godfather of their daughter.
I had probably communicated only once or twice online in the last thirty years. We had hoped to meet up when last I was in Toronto (ten years ago). It never happened.
Lorne’s tragic passing focuses my mind on perhaps the greatest failing of the institutional church in general, more club than family – the failure to emulate that aspect of Jesus the Good shepherd who leaves the flock who can fend for themselves to go ‘seek and save’ that single one which got lost.
The accounting skills involved in remembering the names of individual sheep require heart involvement. Not so when simply counting heads or calculating their market value. I celebrate the few individuals I know with the heart of a shepherd – my late grandparents being among the number who daily called the names of each family member, their spouses and spawns before the throne of God in intercession.
Richard McCaw, my spiritual father also had that gift – an unusual evangelist who mentored each student he won to Christ and cataloged their name in his Rolodex which he regularly rotated each morning, faithfully interceding for each by name well over a quarter century afterward.
Indeed, one of the strengths I find with the prophetic movement in general (ironically enough) is that some prophets make for better pastors, being radically committed to the defense and covering of their flock (aided by their prophetic abilities). Intercession, however, is always a labor of love.
Most churches however seem to operate like a political party. We are with you when you are with us, (especially near election time), but when you’re gone, you’re gone. The church could learn something from the spiritual system of the Dagara people of West Africa whose priests and elders place a stone, emblematic of the soul of each child born into the tribe, upon their altar. The stone never leaves and is used as a spiritual connection to each member of the village throughout their entire lifespan.
Other really beautiful rituals in that system demonstrate the community’s acceptance of the role of caretaker of each individual member: The elders compose a song for each child while still in the womb, during the first trimester of pregnancy. They sing that song when the child is born and each village member gets to learn the song. That special song is sung each birthday, when the child goes through rites of passage, when the person marries, when the person is admitted into the council of elders and when the person dies.
That all-for-one-forever mentality is hardly conceivable in a theological system emphasizing personal salvation. Church is a place to go, not who you are; (except in South Korea where the world’s single largest church, one million members strong, really does see itself as a collection of knitted families that assemble once a week in a building; and in China, except that the church there might not have the luxury of meeting in a large building any at all. ) But, here in the West, where to say ‘church people’ is not a tautology, as self acclaimed followers of a Saviour who seeks the lost, we can be more than cliquish, divisive, competitive, and oh so judgmental.
A mother is stuck with her child through all the vicissitudes of life. But Mother church can throw away both baby and bathwater at the first sign of independent thinking, perceived rebellion or inconvenient scandal. (For better or worse, Catholics are much better here than Protestants. Once baptized as an infant, no vice, opinion, or freewill choice of yours can dissociate you from the church – even recently changing their views on the eternal destiny of heretics. Perhaps past self-serving anathematization mollified their position.)
The church has a built-in theological problem dealing with the OTHER and thus carries around the improbable conception of a saviour of the whole WORLD with the expectation of a hardly conceivable homogeneity of human thought in space time. And for most Christians, make no mistake, it’s what you think (doctrine) that matters more than who you are (character) when it comes to who can join the club and who can stay. The rest be damned (literally).
As any of us who have been through a dark night of the soul knows, it is then that a familiar rod and staff seeking you out matters most. Personally, while suicide has never been a strong temptation, there have been those days I thought I would be better off dead and the optimism and deep respect for life inherited from a loving childhood seemed more curse to me than blessing. Many of us can relate even if that season is in the distant past for us today.
Even so, there seems to be an endemic callousness in the church at large when treating with those of opposing points of view or lifestyle choices; even when related to a card carrying member of the flock. As with American police, perhaps sensitivity training is required. (If anyone wants to take the risk, call me. I’m an expert.)
While I am prepared to concede that it is almost pointless wishing someone who died in agony to rest in peace, all my memories of Lorne are fond and dear. He was a good soul, deeply sensitive and caring, a lover of the good. I am among those who failed to love him with the commitment, intensity and durability of Jesus. I hope we all are blessed to repent (from breaking Jesus’ one commandment – that we should love each other in the same manner, commitment and intensity he loves us) before it’s too late for another so sacred soul.
YeKengalé 
yekengale, I agree with you regarding the behaviour of the church, in general. We often ignore that as representing the “blood and boidy” of Christ, these are living, dynamic,totally interdependent and wholistic. On the other hand, I too have suffered greatly at the loss of a cousin to suicide, especially magnified because of a conviction, and unsuccessful attempts, in the preceding months and weeks to contact him and spend time with him. I gave up trying after thinking, maybe he really doesn’t want to see me. Less than two weeks after giving up tryiing, he was gone. I was not the only nor closest relative trying unsuccessfully to contact him. Further, on a recent visit to Northern Ireland (just two weeks ago) we met and spoke extensively with a father whose daughter walked out of her home, into the cold winter night, and after leaving a written note to her parents and siblings, took her own life outside the home. There was no prior indication at home of her pain and suffering, as she was a very happy and physically active 15 year old, involved in football, church choir, community treats, etc. and a normal healthy part of the family. They found out subsequently that she was a part of group of girls at school who often cut themselves. They wore long sleeves, big bracelets, and anything else that covered up the cuts in a fashionable way. The school (a Catholic school) knew, and did nothing about it, including not informing the parents of these children. Arising from this suicide, her parents started a Foundation to help address suicide in teens. They are now in every school in Ireland, excepting the one his daughter attended, as the School Board and Principal refuse to acceot that there is a problem. At that school, there have been three suicides subsequent to his daughter’s. None the less, they remain unmoved. The father remains an active and committed Catholic, even though his faith had been shaken. I recite these, because sometimes, we really may not be able to infusenourselves in a preventive mode. We still must remain alert to all potential cases of suicide, and interpose ourselves as best as possible.
To come back to the church, especially the evangelcials, we are too often caught up with form and outward appearances, and less interested (often afraid) in sharing our brother’s/sister’s burdens, or in having someonelse help us with our burdens.
JMc
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